REVIEWING THE YEARS...

I normally do this is December, when the new year is around the corner.
But this time I decided that I should do it now…

I found my 2008 daily diary… the one that I wrote what needs to be done on daily basics…A few thing that I realize I do..

Plan what I have to do when it is already last minute..
I write people’s birthdays..
Have last minute changes cause I don’t start my work fast…
Typical of me…

As for year 2008.. I realize that it was a very tough year for me… It started off with my last semester in UM.. The last few months of my 6 years – long course. It was coming to an end. It all happened so fast. I barely realized what was going on… with mix feeling.. sad to leave friends.. happy that I am going to work soon… afraid where I am going to be posted… weird period of life…

In middle of it (February) was Mahes’ brother’s wedding… a great time but had to end in a bad memory.. something that would be hard to forget… but moving out….

Then my last few weeks of my course were terrible… I still remember thinking when it would end.. with the tension with coursework and friends… it was something that I didn’t think would happen or past.. but it did… thank god…

Once all finished..exams n all… we had our dinner night… the huge bang before we bid farewell… I remember saying to linesh… at our first dinner I remember my dad sending me… but my last dinner I drove there with her… so much has happen in the 6 years…we have grown, matured and blossom heheheh…at that times we were all flushed with weird emotions.. losing friends that we saw basically everyday in the past 6 years was hard…. I still remember those times I spent in MPIK… I will never forget them… those were very special times for me… and will always be.

Knowing that graduation was next..excited me… but the next phase was soon coming… POSTING… that really sucks… I got to know that I was posted to SABAH… weird thing is that I was always the first to check anything online (among my friends) but that time the house computer was sent for reformatting… i was shocked.. I always used to say that I would get Sabah or Sarawak when ever asked where I like to get posted… it was a lesson to me… mom said I asked for it… graduation went by without knowing… on 8/8/08 I got on the plane to Sabah..

The weeks that followed after that went through fast.. so many things happen… I learnt a lot about myself… yet I still don’t know much… a blur period for me…I missed home terribly… cried when ever I thought about home.. I kept on looking for my old friends in my new friends… become a backpack traveler… got my first real pay..I did have my share of ups and down…

Then I return home… was excited.. it was fun seeing familiar faces… I even thought that I had dreamt of sabah… how foolish of me… wanting nothing to change… I guess that’s why I didn’t say goodbye to 2008 I wanted to hold on to it cause I knew by then that more changes are yet to come…. 2008 was like a tornado… it came and everything got turn around n it just ended .. I think I lost myself in that year..

cause I started 2009 without my usual preparation… I just let it happen.. No new year’s resolution.. No aims for the year No thoughts..just wanted to barge into it… I just lost myself… And without me know 2009 is also coming to an end.. just like that..

Being a teacher for a year, staying alone, getting my first loan, being a adult etc, have given me a lot to think off…I took 2009 a step a day… I realize that I don’t really have much of it to remember off.. But sleeping is one of my must to do list this year.. I just can’t get enough of it…I realize that I love that it is raining and i am sleeping.. heheheh I also realize that writing helps to relax me and reading… being home for holidays I am trying to catch up on reading…

So now 2009 is going to end and I hope that I am ready for 2010… so bring it on!!!!!

just simply....

coming to sabah has made me realise that respecting each others differences is a simple issue..

here they dont really look at what race they are...but i am not saying that it doesnt exist. it does but subtle..

as for me... it thought me to see my surrounding differently. but old habits die hard. i am prejudicial
i cant help it..

as far as i recall i hv not been subject to harsh racial discrimination but i do have my fair share of experience... but i guess i was thought to learn to live with it.. to just accept it n move on..

but here it is different. here u will be able to see different races and even religions in a family... it is very complicating... like a web... but i realize that they see each other for who they are. each member gives n takes. they are able to understand each other without much trouble....

but reflecting on myself... i just cant seem to run away from it... it would be a general stattement to say that those from peninsular are more racist... but i think it is true...

this year i had the opportunity to experience .... and they all end up proving my statement..

in June i attended BTN... i went there with ideas that some how or rather i was into trouble... but i was wrong... the facilitators were nice... they were friendly ok lah...

but what struck me was when i got my back injured..or maybe it was a muscle torn... they took me to the clinic... in the clinic, the facilitator who followed me mention that she took me to an indian clinic so that i would be comfortable... i stared at her n said that it doesnt matter where i go as long as the pain stops.... "tak kesahlah manalah,,, klink cina kah melayu kah... mana mana pun boleh...." i regret saying that thinking that would affect my evaluation....

she just looked at me....

but after that i realized that long years of hearing issues on racial discrimination.. people have made their own general statements.... n as time passes these statements becomes fact....

we look at each other as bombs ready to explode... weird...

a day before BTN was over.. i would admit that to some extend my view on being a racist changed... but what happen that night just brought me back to square 1

after an activity that involved all.. we had to do it together everyone.. all the races... so i got mix up with people that i didnt know and of different race... with the spirit of togetherness burning in me... i carried out the activity... once it finished we were asked to sit.... beside me were 2 girls.... i was about to sit down with them when all off sudden they walked off... finding their own gang.... shocked.... i also walked to search my friends.... sad isn't it?

so why should i change when others ignore...?

or am i being paranoid.... cause old habits are hard to die....

maybe there is no one to be blamed... humans are like that

prefer to stay in there save zone....

well enough of my nonsense.... hehehehe

enjoy

Na maen momin vich maseet aan Na maen vich kufar diyan reet aan Na maen paakaan vich paleet aan Na maen moosa na pharaun. Bulleh! ki jaana maen kaun Na maen andar ved kitaab aan, Na vich bhangaan na sharaab aan Na vich rindaan masat kharaab aan Na vich jaagan na vich saun. Bulleh! ki jaana maen kaun. Na vich shaadi na ghamnaaki Na maen vich paleeti paaki Na maen aabi na maen khaki Na maen aatish na maen paun Bulleh!, ki jaana maen kaun Na maen arabi na lahori Na maen hindi shehar nagauri Na hindu na turak peshawri Na maen rehnda vich nadaun Bulla, ki jaana maen kaun Na maen bheth mazhab da paaya Ne maen aadam havva jaaya Na maen apna naam dharaaya Na vich baitthan na vich bhaun Bulleh , ki jaana maen kaun Avval aakhir aap nu jaana Na koi dooja hor pehchaana Maethon hor na koi siyaana Bulla! ooh khadda hai kaun Bulla, ki jaana maen kaun

Not a believer inside the mosque, am I Nor a pagan disciple of false rites Not the pure amongst the impure Neither Moses, nor the Pharoh Bulleh! to me, I am not known Not in the holy Vedas, am I Nor in opium, neither in wine Not in the drunkard`s craze Niether awake, nor in a sleeping daze Bulleh! to me, I am not known In happiness nor in sorrow, am I Neither clean, nor a filthy mire Not from water, nor from earth Neither fire, nor from air, is my birth Bulleh! to me, I am not known Not an Arab, nor Lahori Neither Hindi, nor Nagauri Hindu, Turk (Muslim), nor Peshawari Nor do I live in Nadaun Bulleh! to me, I am not known Secrets of religion, I have not known From Adam and Eve, I am not born I am not the name I assume Not in stillness, nor on the move Bulleh! to me, I am not known I am the first, I am the last None other, have I ever known I am the wisest of them all Bulleh! do I stand alone? Bulleh! to me, I am not known

i love the meaning of the song.. i guess this is what my concept pf religion is to me...

ok for copy right purpose... the video from YOUTUBE... the lyrics from.....